hi 2011 bye 2010

okay now is 2011 one more year yill the end of the world <3
so everyone do the best you can start from today!
i know i say this every single year but i really want to achieve it..
not because it might be the end of the world next year but because i want to be a better me
for myself and the people around me (:

2010 was my happiest, saddest, most emotional, and plus with a punch of stuffs..
i met amazing people these years, became friends with people i used to be scared of..
i had alot of frist time i never expected..
first time on stage, first time working, first time letting go, first time didnt turn back, first time giving up so easily... i had the best

for everyone 2010 made a dramatic change in their lifes, it was one of the fastest year i had never been through.

for the people who left my life, i m glad that i met you in my life (: i always miss you, always see you somewhere when i look at something and walk pass somewhere that has the sign of our memories, when i hear things going on in your life from , i can not give you any surport or words but i know other people around you had already replace my spot give you strength to move on. maybe you think i had already forgoten everything in the pass, but believe me i didn't/ i just moved on but what left marks in my heart reminds behind. Theres no piont of asking you if you are happy right now? because i know you will be (: eventually will be so please be happy :D

for the people who are still standing right next to me. thank you for staying even you saw me walking away, saw me blocking your sight, saw me not trusting in the world, saw me pushing everyone away. thank you for seeing the very ugly side of me and still put your hands around me. you guys are the sweetest people i never met in my life. iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou. maybe i dont show it strongly but i really do.


if i really gona type out all my feeling towards 2010 is gona be like 1000000 pages long S:
2010 meant alot to me, to find out who i really can be and how to be stronger.

anyways thats a full stop for 2010. HI 2011 (: fighting. :D

almost

your always almost here,
but you never actully make it here.
another year coming to an end.
and is this where you want to be?
2 days later, another begining of an end.

welcome to December :p

another month flew away,.
one more month till 2010 ends.
looking forward to 2011 so i will have no life :D!
today is the last day of school.
we are doing nothing today which is so stupid cause i thought i m getting my report today D:!
oh well. i stoped my passion towards writing blog but i m still writing my dairy everyday.

my internet is dead so i will not be online or facebook for awhile.
yesh?
THANKS BYE. SEE YOU ALL NEXT YEAR. STAY WHERE YOU ARE. OR NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN.

werid.

um =.=
idk.
what is going on?

knock knock

happy birthday cheryl <3>sneaking on internet for a break after studying for maths for two hours (:
i m actully getting my questions right :D so happy <3>
the sunshine is slowly shining on the top of my world again.
everyday something would jump out and surprise me. i m pretty slow at realising what i did that make people feel or remember. i really don't know. so what ever i do these days that hurted you or make you felt like i dont care. is really not like i m doing it on purpose. i m just no longer as sensitive as before.
maybe this is a good thing?

looking foward for the holidays to start, going back to china, moving house, chirsmas ( even thou i dont celerbrate it) Red car pet? maybe? haha not really looking forward into that, my birthday? i dont know what to do. i dont want to tell everyone how old i really AM. going to the beach again <3>

most of all. 2011. say good bye to 2010.
knock knock.
okay so Mr. destiny kun whats is going on tomorrow?

if you.

if you ever want to let go,
think of the reason why you held on for so long.

zzzzz.

all i need is some sleep.

like a 48 hour one and i will be fine :D

my life is pretty much back to normal.

well, not really?

expect for two things that i choose to walk away from?

my brain dont work for those stuff anymore so might just go with the flow.

people say i look sad today.

i dont think i am.

i think i m just really tired. maybe?

i felt a bit down but i don't know the reason.

during two whole lesson doing enviro by myself i was thinking why?

but all i have in my head was Zzzzzzzz.

i guess i had been mental fighting with myself everyday for a long long time.

now the main problem isn't a problem anymore

and i get to say hi everday so i guess its gone.

so i can finally put down all my protection and marks down for awhile.

coool <3

and i have suspension tmr. isn't life great?

小小声音

考试, 脑袋混乱程度比正常时更加乱。
无法学习。
我在想什么?
这段时间推开了很多人,很多事。
我需要的空间。
至于自己有什么打算一点头绪都没有。

想找个人说说话
却发现不知道有谁会明白。
因为连自己都无法理解的我。
又怎么寻求帮助?

没有人明白我的全部。

心乱,意志力薄弱。
小小的声音又在悄悄引诱我做傻事。
很想打电话给某个人。
告诉我怎么做.
至少哪个声音可以平复我的心情。
很需要。
一句问候。

myeverydayclick

this is my third time getting on the internet during the school day.ATM very anoyed.
i can't really explain why.but ever seems the first class i m slowly getting into my PMS mood.i guess this is the effects from the incoming exams?
SCREWED SCREWED SCREWED.
PARTIES? MOVING HOUSES? STUDING? CHINA? WORKING? MYSELF? PEOPLE? just make me pisseed so bad.
yet. i still automatically login to this place every single time when i get a chance to go on internet.what is here to see?
study is more important.one more week.

dont have to wait.

sometimes things only happen when you don't expect them to happen.
today all the answers all came to me at once?
i m really happy today. that i had another chance
if this only can last for one day.
and tomorrow everything will be the same again.
i m glad that i had this one more chance to walk through that road with you once again .

and and and another you. who took me a long time if i should say hi to again.

2010?
all going to an end.

i know my position.

when we see someone in trouble
we wish we can help
but we don't.

- kick ass
( pretty good movie <3)>

ha ha being lazy before the exam.
watching movie other than studying D;
gg.
party later. and work tomorrow.
how am i meant to put all the things in my head in one week when suppose to fit it in during this whole year?


-i don't think you can hate me anymore right now than i hate myself (Y)

note:
I found my way out.
is true. every once in awhile, i need to let it out.
who i was right there, need to get a new way otherwise she ll be out of control and eventually want to do stupid things such as getting drunk, cry her eyes out, PMS for no reason or most stupid thing - saying things that she shouldn't say, there are things that should be hidden forever no matter how much you bottled it up inside.

i have been writing so much to myself these days.
oh well. (:
writing out whats in your heart is the most direct way to know what you want.
and sometimes you find out things you don't even know about yourself :P

after the rain.

so... sorry about the last two post yesterday.
writing all that out just to make myself feel better or to get my feelings out.
i guess i m really bad at controling my feelings as well also bad at lying.
thats why every once in awhile i need to released some of them out.
now i m recharged. back. better
thank you. Kmama. for always being my bin for all my rubbish.

and sorry. to the who"?
that i always write about to put all my negative feelings into. D:
i m such a bad bad bad friend.

XXXXXX.

i m trying to do my homework

but my brian is not working at all.

i m angry. pissed. fucked.

everytime i try and think about the answers and the way of answering it

i end up running to the kitchen to grap something and eat.

Not even hungry, in fact i feel like i m going to vomit in any second.

calm down .

close your eyes.

tell yourself you can do it

like how you always do

phewwwww.

Hi?

we all know how it works.
you choose to walk away. you all chose to walk away.
your out of my life, everything you do is non of my bussiness.
repeat: NON OF MY BUSSINESS.
but why do i still care if your happy or sad or what ever?
the time moved on, replaced the right or wrong.
don't remember what happened but remember what i felt.
does what ever happened still matter if i had already lost myself?

sometimes i just want to say hi.
or start a simple conversation.Doesn't matter what happened in the pass. I don't care.
talking to you. reminds me of who i was.
why can't you just say hi.
sometimes i m really dying inside

kira kira. ★

happiness of the day- listening to juliana play tong hua on the paino.♥♥☜

if the feeling can ever last,

one day, my world will become kira kira and pika pika.

can't wait for the sunshine :D

爱一个人只要放在心底就可以了.

因为在心底的感情是不会被夺走也不用害怕失去

时间或许会磨掉一切曾经的刻骨铭心,总有些东西是能一直被想起的,

纵然多年以后经验渐渐无当年的痕迹可寻,曾经有过,便觉满足,

突然觉得有好多话要说

好多心情要写如果我是一个很会做梦的女孩

那我应该会很开心因为我像活在梦境里

觉得什么都属于我

run devil run

went to school like dead walk. my friend was literlly laughing when he sees my face because my eyes were all poped out and my panda eyes were so classtic. look so crap today or he is just a bitch. i have no idea how i spended the two period at the start, the time seems to freeze when i write on my dairy. by the time teacher says okay thats it for today see you next time then i look at my dairy --> only 5 sentence was done. maybe i was day dreaming? i don't know.

BLINK BLINK BLINK.

recess. half dying. started laughing because i was sooo bored. i nearly cried because i was laughing too hard. WHAT AN IDIOT. how sad?

cbs cbs cbs cbs cbs cbs cbs cbs cbs cbs . so the next action was wagging.

i thought i wouldn't wag for the rest of the week before exam but seems we do nothing in class.

mang, i give up. ran out of the school with Ainne the kim chi and head to Juliana's house = the other wagger who didn't come to school because of enviro.

at juliana's house time freezed even more. half closed my eyes watching a korean movie.

my julianamama made me lunch >3<.. doesn't look really good. but its pretty nice <3

is not as bad as it look. is yummy

just wrote a punch of rubbish so far S:

run devil run, time is the devil. taking away everything. FCUK.

totally failed while trying to change the style of my blog. oh wells. just leave it tb then.

Note: stop trying to be who your not meant to be. Heidi Liang.

好きだよ

recently i m in love with this anime call K-on.

sooo cute and soooooo sweet. havent been adictive to an anime for such a long time.

its some how reflecting what i wanted long time ago.

i want my life to be as simple as them, i want to laugh and spend my days like that too =0=

a short period of happiness lasts when ever i watch it (:

write more about it later. too lazy. D:

recently people start saying that i don't look alright and ask me if i m okay. i haven't got that for a long time, with a sudden question like that i really don't know what to answer. i m too tired to feel what i m feeling, i can't even explain what is going on myself, all i have in my head is blank blank blank with missing pieces of voices and sentences. All i need right now is a long long rest, without any distruction. i need my own time and it might take a long time. which is pretty impossible, exams coming up, homework assigments and work. blah blah blah, killing me, my body, my health, my time, my memories etc etc etc. rawr, but i m still staying infront of my computer with my favourite anime cbs fighting with all these. leave me alone. everything.

the day before yesterday was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you, i kept it inside until someone asked me a question that i never faced that made me became weak once again after one month. baka.

Someone can walk into your life and
it is not until after they walk out that you realize that they were even there.

walking apart , is the destiny we can not excape.

little flash backs

i had been recording a lot of my feelings lately, but never mention about what i did these days.

getting lazy, and tired of posting things that i did which is one of the main reason why i stop ed using my 163 Chinese blog. i know a lot of my Chinese friends actually read my Chinese blog therefore rather than trying so hard up dating about things that i m not even interested writing about i eventually choose to stop using 163. now i m only using this blog which only a few of my friends know. so now this blog has officially became my main blog i will post up my random little thoughts and photoes that i tooked and edited myself

?/10/2010

forgot which date was it. the only time i got to see this retard's face during the whole term3 holidays.

16/10/2010 - i went to MC with Kyrstin mama. we talked for hours without doing anything else. there were silence during each conversation but most of all was how our heart communicated with each other. just simply sitting each other, lying against each other is enough. i only need you to be next to me and it doesn't matter what we do together as long as i m with you.

25/10/2010 - my afternoon tea after i got back home. as yummy as it looks <3

29/10/2010 Friday

at box hill centre eating RARAMEN <3> time . so nice :D Amy is a weirdo because she doesn't eat the meat and veggie when she orders a noodle dish. WHAT A BAKA

27/10/10

another afterschool meal, but this time i decided to eat less. :P omg i feel like one bowl right now.

23/10/10

went to the beach at night to celebrate krystinmama's birthday.

it was a really really quiet night filled with the sound of the waves..

bought me to another world away from all my connections with the this world.

it was a night to remember.

remember the things that crossed my mind.

remember the things i wanted to tell the some people. some people who are really far away.

who i still see around but can even say hi to anymore.

but that night i was happy (:

29/10/2010

nang, anothy and me.

these two idiots are playing with my extensions without knowing how gay they look.

31/10/2010

watched Paranormal activity 2 on the day of Halloween . WOHO.

first horror movie i watched in the cinema.

all i can say is the sound effect of the movie is freaky and scary.

comments for the movie: boring, funny and only scary at some point at night time.

rate out of 5: ★★★

i wanna watch all these movies too :D

1/11/2010

mini yumcha with AMY CHOI CHOI + CINDY <3> cup day

Cindy has an amazing voice and every time she sings, my heart skips a beat.

can not stop smiling and laughing when i m around these people. ha :p

2/11/2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEL (:

even though your birthday passed 20 days ago. i didn't even know S:

i wish your happy everyday.

要一直幸福。

i saw things that i didn't see until this day. that show me where i should go.

i know that what happened so far. is the best for everyone.

1/11/2010

i m proud of myself for once (:

i got 100% for my job mystery customer at Safeway. my boss told me i was one of the first staff to get 100%. <3

my reward was two free movie tickets which is available at most of the cinema.

clap ur hands <3

thats it for one post.

sleepy. tired.

another 5 hours sheft tomorrow.

ganbatee to myself

♥♥♥

31st & continue..

today will be our 31st day together texting eachother, talking to eachother on the phone till one of us fall asleep :3 aha, okay most of the time i m the one who fall asleep first, even though you are the one who worked more, spended time on me more and try talking to me more. thank you Ben Dan.
i never really try talking to you that much (: i trust you, i believe you that one day of being apart for not talking doesn't matter. you will always be back and there if i want to go to you.when i think of something funny or get bored in class, i wil text you, as random thoughts come in and crush my mind. maybe it isn't the same for you seems like these days you always keep trying to talk to me and call me at night even when your exhuasted after your long day back from 6 hours work sheft.

i like it when you still talk to me even when i already fall asleep,

i like it when you share your feelings with me because i know exactly how you feel,

i like it when your so sweet sometimes that you whishper to me saying iloveyou & imissyou..(okay that sounds wrong T^T )

i hope your friend can see your heart, can feel your caring and hear the words speaking every second from deep inside of you. stay strong, your not a useless friend. you make people happy everytime (: so please keep smiling. like how i want you to, how she want you to and how yourself want to.

as you said, hope there are the 2nd month,3rd month and continue...

killing time.

Location: MWSC 8D class room

Event: English typing up question but in fact no one is working on it.

Mood: dont have such a thing. Bored. Tired. Feeling stupid.

Body situatoin: day dreaming, my feet hurts, eye bags.

things in my mind:

• Krystinmama when will i see you again? are you studying hard? waiting for you to come back in my life :3 study hard. doorta miss you to the end of the universe ane back <3
  
• China China omg, i want to China. please let me go back. SHOPPING <3>
  
• Yvonne why are you such a baka?


• HOME WORK SO MUCH HOME WORK. i really can't be stuff. but i know i will always do it at the end and end up having no sleep. sigh. EXAM coming up soom. lets die


• When will you be able to show your heart? i can't not do anything else for you. i m sorry.


• I need to start saving money.


• try my best to get more sleep in the next few days.


• keep remembering things. keep writing in my diary everyday.

truth

"my memories are afraid of seeing the past"

hello again.

by hearing that voice., my body reacts to it. shaking so hard
3months after. finally forced a hello.
thinking that i don't know you but more like i changed into someone else and so did you.'

can not receive a reception of feeling from my heart, but from what my brain is trying to tell me
this is really sad. so so so sad. is more sad because i cant even feel it but i m naturally trying to make the situation less awkward. i m not trying i m just doing it and i don't even know why i m doing it. am i only being friendly? or i just can't stop stoping myself from being nice to you, treating you as my friend. i can easily tell my mind to see you as a stranger but my body still have memories towards everything we had done together, therefore it still treats you the same way as it did back then. maybe, thats the reason?

can't hold on to anything, and wouldnt stop by just to hold on to something.

i don't need to anymore and i don't want to anymore.

i will accept anything, anyone who comes up to me.

hey reality, come and fight me anymore all you want,

i wouldn't lose.

i lost the sense of who i am.
this is not me, but this is me right now.the only thing i can be, so therefore this is who i have to be. just to be able to look a bit normal and original like who i was before.
do you get it?

有些事情就算偶尔记起了，也不能再和任何人提起。
让它留在心里再慢慢地烂掉，消逝。
最先苦笑因为心痛得不能自已
然后微笑因为看到别人的幸福和围绕自己身边的天使们
最后可笑因为心麻木得连同回忆都带不起一丝痛苦与快乐。
以前是以前 現在是現在，俄也從以前變成了現在。

is this what you really wanted?
it all eventually came true.
this is the ending of a ending.



writing about this is not not letting go, this just me simply stoped denying to myself
that i still want to remember you.
forever baka no.2
no matter who i become in the future.
this wouldn't change.

because your memories wouldn't change when everybody else does.

time to moveee.

i woke up in the morning and deciding what i should wear..
so i tried on this short that i bought 2 years ago and it was so tight
i can barely close the button. shocked*
two years ago i was fat which mean now i m even fatter =o=!!?
TIME TO DIETTTT. D;
AND I AM SRS THIS TIME <3
WATCH ME (: CHANGE IN 2 MONTHS.

the reason why is empty

i suddenly realise that reason why sometimes people feels so empty

is because there used to be something there
but when is gone, is empty.
time make us move on and forget.
at one piont, when everything reminds you what you had before,
you'll start to feel empty.

SHRK 2008.10.31 SRK.H 2010.10.31

freeze [♥]

a proper resting day out of 2,3,4weeks?
Zzzzzzzzzzzz. movie time <3
get to ly in my computer chair and be lazy。
no work, no going out, no msn, no facebook <3
just on my own.

tomorrow will be halloween.
2 years already.
time takes away everything.
苦笑。

how about paranormal activity 2 ?
can't wait (:

count backwards.

new friendships, new life style, new personality, new shell, ..
haru haru, part of me changes, haru haru, part of the memories faded..
hey strangers, how long has it been? seems the day we stoped talking?
i can't remember, i m scared of counting backwards to see how many days had gone through between us.
i m scared of thinking, remembering anything that relates to the pass, because i know missing all those arent right.
esp when it doesnt mean anything to you.


an eye contact, a hello, a smile, a flash back, a simple action, a word ... ...
can all mean "imissyou" hiden from people,because sometimes reality don't allow us to tell people how much they mean to us. we dont know if they feel the same, we dont know if that will sacre people away. so we choose to stay away, we choose to only say hello, as long as i can still see your smile and happiness. i m fine with staying out of your life.

I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy,I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry,I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I’m going to smile.

gbye.
-hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.

not to ANYONE but you

today. is the 21st day (:
time passing so quick, remember at the start when i first know you, we keep counting the days ?
saying how amazing it was to know someone and text someone so much after knowing eachother for 3~4 days?
well, today is 21st day, and we never stop texting each other.
thankyou, for texting me everyday.
thankyou, for coming into my life when i needed someone there.
thankyou, for calling me each night and let me hear your voice as i fall asleep.
thankyou, for saying that you miss me all the time.
thank you for all the warmness, smile and hugs.
thankyou, just for being yourself (:

( the difference between me and you)

lets spent our 30th, 40th,50th,100th... days together
till the really end ♥...

stop stop stop

stop looking

stop thinking
stop missing

stop talking on msn

stop wanting to wag

stop falling asleep
stop going on facebook
stop trying to not do my homework

GRRRRRR.

RAWR.

I FKING HATE HOMEWORK.

non stop

那天我用剩下的所有心情,
用所有人给我的勇气站上那个舞台,
为的是帮那些藏在心里很久很久的心情, 用声音传递到它想要到达的角落。
以前的我所不能做到的. 我都做到了。
现在的我,. 不再唱歌了，就算唱也没有感觉没有了意义。
所有的事情都从原本不可能被习惯到被人们渐渐遗忘。
没有了问候,没有了道别。
什么都没有。
只有每天夜里梦在默默提醒着我, 所有事情都曾经发生过。
我让自己无所谓, 我让自己对时间失去直觉,我让自己现实，我让自己忘记，
都是为了不再失控。 为了不再伤害他人。
只有明白了等待的那头不会再有回音，
只有知道了不管再怎么努力,付出,祈祷也不会有回报
就是时候放手。
但是笨笨的我..
用了好久好久
才终于学会不再哭泣。
用无所谓和苦笑来代替所有所有的眼泪。
我并没有不开心。
只是想起你了,想起她们了,差点就想回到过去了。
我知道你不会想我, 不会再给我一句话,因为你连问候也不想说, 因为你连眼神也不想接触。
但是我有时还是忍不住想着很多很多的如果如果"
看着你的背影, 心里传递着:
dear friend, i remember you.
尽管此刻剩下的 只有每天的擦肩而过

每一天却从没有停止过的想念，依然坚持着承诺。

把所有所有的记得,如果脑子不管用就把它们全部记录下来。

MY SUNSHINE

according to the weather, in the next coming week will be sunny <3>
hot and sweaty (Y) get ready for beach, swimming, hotties, ice cream and dying hot SUN D:
and and and .. WATER FIGHTER <3>
OKAY LETS DO THIS BABY.

cbs working later D:! RAWR. =0=

nod nod*

simple love

hey people..
am i already in your heart?
is it that simple?
but how come it doesn't work out when i tried so hard, only works when i don't even try and be myself.

everything happened for a reason (:
so true (:
stay happy (: please.

hey you. you changed so much. but i hope this is what you wanted.

brain damage.

my brain ain't working so well these days.
is sleeping at night time and dreaming in day time.
forget things so easily,
maybe i should go see a doctor because i m typing this on my blog and i m bored.
this week passed so fast, it felt like one day.
maybe because everyday i had something to look forward to, life wouldn't be so bad as long as you have something that your looking forward to or waiting for it to happen.
monday- wagged to the city did nothing but eat, eventually went to the lib and studied for maths test
tuesday- maths test, around 8 people surrounded me trying to teach me maths LOL worked and got in trouble by my boss because i didnt talk to my customer FUXK.
wednesday- my sleeping day. relax and dont need to do anything in class. the sun makes me happy letting the sunshine covering my whole body and makes me warm.
thursday- x factor. everyone's surrport made my day.
firday- youth <3>

most importantly because of someone calling me every night and let me hear her voice before i fall asleep <3>

fight = care

this is non of my bussiness,but i still want to write about something for baka.no1 and mel, because of the fact i can't do anything to help, i want to let you know->
that you can only hurt and fight with someone that you really care about,
you can never hurt or get hurt from someone unless you meant something to them.
a fight is to gain friendship, and a way your heart telling you how important that person is to you
take care :3 everything will be okay. :) iwishforyouhappiness <3

no.1 is not important

xXx factor was so scary today.

i am the kind of girl who never gets the spot light, most of the time i would like to stand in the back ground and cheer for somebody else. i m always that follower, the back ground person and i never try to do better than that.

it was only a few weeks ago, i suddenly decide to go to try out for X factor. i wasn't sure if i should go until cindy.l encourage me to go for it (:
so i tried out and got in. everyone who went try out got in (:

well, i wanted to do something. something big to prove that i m changed and no longer is who i was before.

these days, i was about to give up a few times,
but people around me bleived in me. they told that i can do it when i don't even think it was possible myself.

then i decided, i will sing for them (: not for myself but people who believe in me

today at X factor, everyone surpported me, all my friends, before i went on after i finish. all the time.. there are so much people that i need to thank. thank you so much. i feel so loved.
yes, i didnt get in the first three, but i won something more important and found things that are moe important (:

is you guys (:
iloveyou.

juliana, ainne, krystinmama, jody, irene, joanne, cindy.l, cindy.N, jane, Jamie, yvonne, nang,Amy, thomas, michal, eric,kane omg.. too many people .. i can't remember that much S: too sleepy
thank you everyone

i miss you a little

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
- typed all this for real. didn't copy and paste. after typing all this, reminding myself i can only miss you
but i can not have you back into my life again.did you hear me singing today? imissyou.baka.no( )

u know i can have so much friends

and i call all of them baka.

because they remind me of you

but over all there will only be only one baka on.1 in my heart.

and no one can replace that spot.

no one..

see you someday

i dreamed about some people yesterday

it felt so real

and by the time i woke up

it felt like it really did happen.

and i saw one of them today,

i smiled and try to say hi..

but i dont know if you saw me too...

after all these things have happened, and all the time that passed..

i know a hi wouldnt mean anything but i still tried to..

i thought you saw..

but you didnt wave back.

am i thinking a bit too much?

i know i will..->

see you some day, sometime .. again.

blah blah

if i m strong enough now

should i break my rules

just to see what your up to?

heads or tails :D

-

Stick with friends who saw you, when nobody else did. Stick with friends who you can call assholes, and know it’s a code word for I love you. Stick with friends who look at your mistakes, and think it’s fucking awesome. Stick with friends who don’t give a fuck when you’re crying, because they know you’re stronger than that. Stick with friends who were true to you from the very start.

ops sorry. look like your not the oneeee

who i sing for.

do you know that.. when you are singing
people can actully tell if you are singing from your heart or not.
theres a difference
and by listening to your voice, people know what you are feeling and they will feel what you feel (:

today at X factor talent show at my school..
the atmosphere in the hall hited me like a bomb
i couldnt control my heart beats, it was beating so fast as the other participants went on stage.
can i do this? i keep on asking myself that..
i can not imagine if i was the who have to walk on that stage at that moment.
there were at least 200 people in that room
if i go up there, i will become the center of the attention.
what if i stuff up? like last time, forgetting everything while singing..?
i m panic, i don't think i can do it.
but all of my friends keep convicinig me to do it (:
they tell me that i should believe in myself so i m still gona give it a try :D
thank you for everyone who says that they gona surrport me (:

i lost the ability to sing from the heart long time ago,
i loved singing because when i sing i felt as if my voice could bring my words and my feelings to the people that i am missing..
it was like a magic that keeps me going and keeps me feel alive.
those lyrics represented my words, gave me strength to move on.
thats why when ever i m sad i will love to go to kareoke and spend hours in there...
now, i dont know who i will sing for anymore,
those people walked out of my life, my heart doesn't seem to be the same. as the memories faded that feeling in my voice faded too...
which was the main reason why i wanted to quit X factor for nxt week...

cindys' came to my house after school,
they asked me to sing for them and i did
couldn't stop laughing because i always get nervous, also because i can not put my feelings in the songs anymore. i was scared that it will come out really bad D:"
so ... at the start i was laughing the whole time trying to sing.. and then i raised my voice...
cindy N. started laughing so hard so i stoped and went red * ( embrased)
then me and cindy.L realised she was actully crying..
she said my voice was so touching..
that nearly made me cry too..

reminded me how i used to cry while i m singing,
when i couldnt tell anyone my feelings that i cry in my shower while i sing my heart out.. ( its werid but thats the only place i can hide in my house._.)
thank you cindys
iloveyou <3>

i know it. is okay

I like this kind of life

I do not need too many people to get involved

after awhile people will leave me

because you will not tolerate my temper and walk away

no one can control my capricious

that's why you shouldn't let anyone know too much of you if you still want them in your life :P

break

i like to decide my own holidays :D
so i m not going school tmr.
cuz mark up day is coming soon and what happened today was scary D:
the year 12 with the eggs ..
and i know someone in year 12 really wana egg me right in my face ..when i think about next year all these people i see everyday in school will all be gone i feel a bit empty.
byebye.
to everyone that i dont even know
i will miss you ..
a bit
because time will replace that missing part.
LOL
and OMG
i have tumblr now..
how much blog do i have...
i cnt remember S:
cbs up dating
so just gona type up randoms.
hopefully can up date all my blogs tmr <3
yesh. done. sleeping time.

this world is so retarded.

we fking act like this everyday

when the inside is fking walking the other way

we fking good at lying

because we do it every fking day.

and you would say:?

yo. bro this is ur life

and u gona live with it.

so i smile hard and keep doing what everyone else is doing."

okay mama.

i dont want to lose u.

because i dont know what is happening.so i will do anything that comes up in my head

i will only reacts on what i see...

i m too death to feel what is happening right now.

i cant feel what is happening

trust me, everything is the same with me on the outside

but everything inside is different.

if this happened 1 month ago,

i will cry my eyes out.

but. LOL

i guess all i have with me is tic tac tic tac

and its possible to change anything in the world.

hope everyone will get better.

u can take a break

but make sure you come back please/

because somebody really needs you.

byebye.

distance?

i don't know what i was doing just for a hour ago.

i just keep doing it, wanting to do it. just because i m already doing it.

i don't know if we are walking apart from each other too ..

i know you promised me that you will never leave me,

but any promise can change in any second when distance of our heart is change..

it could be in this second, the next second or the next next second.

i will never want any of you to leave me, but i will never ever want you to stay with me just because you had make a promise.

sorry, that i had changed to someone else.

got used to people walking and coming into my life, rotating.

so i will be nice to anyone i know, i will give them all i have got, as if every tomorrow is the end of the world.

i dont understand this anymore LOL.

do as the day flows,

and follow the one who walks in.

what happened to me?

still fine.

thank you.

because we all have a different heartt.

we always wonder.
whythe one who is hurting us doesnt see our pain.
because they like hurting us?
or they just dont give a shit about it ?

well,
everyone has a different heart,
in their eyes, what we are going through could be totally different.
maybe they thought we are alright,
maybe they thought what they are going through is alot painful than ourselves.

but think about it again.
no one can ever hurt you if you choose not to get hurt.
people hurt you without realising it because it is what you are feeling.
therefore is your choice to let that thing gets in you and hurt you.

why can't you be happy?

i m fine thank you (:
because i know how to avoid pain now.
but i m just fine, not happy but fine. (:

school?

well, school tomorrow again.
i didn't have any homework so basically i could do whatever i wanted
and been as lazy as i wanted.
but when it really ends.
i can't remember what i really achieved during this holiday
expect for spending all my money and cbs going work.
now days, yesterday always seem to be so far away from today.
but tomorrow always seem to be right infront of you and you can not run away from it.

the last term i get to mark around and do what i want to do.
then i will have to fight and have no life.

anyways, these two weeks were a pretty cool break time for me
to put everything down
and firgured out why things had happened.
also sussefully became someone else.
dee star's life starts now.

Whatever you do in life will be insignificant
but it is very important that you do it.

there are no ending, once it been inside you

Our fingerprint do not fade from the lives we touch

but is your choice to protend that you can't see them.

You can swear,
curse the fates,
regret every'ting you ever dids...
but when it comes to the end...
You have to lets go.

You can love someone and not want to spend time with them

maybe is okay to cry for the same person over and over again even though we had move on,

maybe is okay to miss you even though you walked away and did not want to be in my life anymore,

maybe is okay to still imagine things we could have done together if we didnt fall out from each other's life.

because no matter how long time had pass and what ever reason that break us apart, from what attract us to be friends was what made you, you.

who i liked, who made me laugh and who stayed with me when i cried.

doesnt matter you fail doing the same things together at the end because things had changed, as long as you had really meant it before is okay (:

therefore i will always remember you.

baka.

is call growing up.

“

as we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. you will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. you'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. you'll fight with your best friend. you'll blame a new love for things an old one did. you'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. so take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

”

i m bored.

okay (:
this is my 10th blog that i had made in 2010
but alot of them didn't last execpt for my chinese blog that i had made back in 2009 (:
i hope this one can last and record something i really want to remember.

nothing much happens these days.
i m waiting thou..
for something to come up and get me back into who i was before.

hope i can go back to China by the end of this year
because people there can change my life and bring me back to the smily heidi
baka heidi yoooo :D
so random. LOL
ignore me
i m pretty werid these days.
yup :D
meeet you at the next stop.
tataaaa~