werid.

um =.=
idk.
what is going on?

knock knock

happy birthday cheryl <3>sneaking on internet for a break after studying for maths for two hours (:
i m actully getting my questions right :D so happy <3>
the sunshine is slowly shining on the top of my world again.
everyday something would jump out and surprise me. i m pretty slow at realising what i did that make people feel or remember. i really don't know. so what ever i do these days that hurted you or make you felt like i dont care. is really not like i m doing it on purpose. i m just no longer as sensitive as before.
maybe this is a good thing?

looking foward for the holidays to start, going back to china, moving house, chirsmas ( even thou i dont celerbrate it) Red car pet? maybe? haha not really looking forward into that, my birthday? i dont know what to do. i dont want to tell everyone how old i really AM. going to the beach again <3>

most of all. 2011. say good bye to 2010.
knock knock.
okay so Mr. destiny kun whats is going on tomorrow?

if you.

if you ever want to let go,
think of the reason why you held on for so long.

zzzzz.

all i need is some sleep.

like a 48 hour one and i will be fine :D

my life is pretty much back to normal.

well, not really?

expect for two things that i choose to walk away from?

my brain dont work for those stuff anymore so might just go with the flow.

people say i look sad today.

i dont think i am.

i think i m just really tired. maybe?

i felt a bit down but i don't know the reason.

during two whole lesson doing enviro by myself i was thinking why?

but all i have in my head was Zzzzzzzz.

i guess i had been mental fighting with myself everyday for a long long time.

now the main problem isn't a problem anymore

and i get to say hi everday so i guess its gone.

so i can finally put down all my protection and marks down for awhile.

coool <3

and i have suspension tmr. isn't life great?

小小声音

考试, 脑袋混乱程度比正常时更加乱。
无法学习。
我在想什么?
这段时间推开了很多人,很多事。
我需要的空间。
至于自己有什么打算一点头绪都没有。

想找个人说说话
却发现不知道有谁会明白。
因为连自己都无法理解的我。
又怎么寻求帮助?

没有人明白我的全部。

心乱,意志力薄弱。
小小的声音又在悄悄引诱我做傻事。
很想打电话给某个人。
告诉我怎么做.
至少哪个声音可以平复我的心情。
很需要。
一句问候。

myeverydayclick

this is my third time getting on the internet during the school day.ATM very anoyed.
i can't really explain why.but ever seems the first class i m slowly getting into my PMS mood.i guess this is the effects from the incoming exams?
SCREWED SCREWED SCREWED.
PARTIES? MOVING HOUSES? STUDING? CHINA? WORKING? MYSELF? PEOPLE? just make me pisseed so bad.
yet. i still automatically login to this place every single time when i get a chance to go on internet.what is here to see?
study is more important.one more week.

dont have to wait.

sometimes things only happen when you don't expect them to happen.
today all the answers all came to me at once?
i m really happy today. that i had another chance
if this only can last for one day.
and tomorrow everything will be the same again.
i m glad that i had this one more chance to walk through that road with you once again .

and and and another you. who took me a long time if i should say hi to again.

2010?
all going to an end.

i know my position.

when we see someone in trouble
we wish we can help
but we don't.

- kick ass
( pretty good movie <3)>

ha ha being lazy before the exam.
watching movie other than studying D;
gg.
party later. and work tomorrow.
how am i meant to put all the things in my head in one week when suppose to fit it in during this whole year?


-i don't think you can hate me anymore right now than i hate myself (Y)

note:
I found my way out.
is true. every once in awhile, i need to let it out.
who i was right there, need to get a new way otherwise she ll be out of control and eventually want to do stupid things such as getting drunk, cry her eyes out, PMS for no reason or most stupid thing - saying things that she shouldn't say, there are things that should be hidden forever no matter how much you bottled it up inside.

i have been writing so much to myself these days.
oh well. (:
writing out whats in your heart is the most direct way to know what you want.
and sometimes you find out things you don't even know about yourself :P

after the rain.

so... sorry about the last two post yesterday.
writing all that out just to make myself feel better or to get my feelings out.
i guess i m really bad at controling my feelings as well also bad at lying.
thats why every once in awhile i need to released some of them out.
now i m recharged. back. better
thank you. Kmama. for always being my bin for all my rubbish.

and sorry. to the who"?
that i always write about to put all my negative feelings into. D:
i m such a bad bad bad friend.

XXXXXX.

i m trying to do my homework

but my brian is not working at all.

i m angry. pissed. fucked.

everytime i try and think about the answers and the way of answering it

i end up running to the kitchen to grap something and eat.

Not even hungry, in fact i feel like i m going to vomit in any second.

calm down .

close your eyes.

tell yourself you can do it

like how you always do

phewwwww.

Hi?

we all know how it works.
you choose to walk away. you all chose to walk away.
your out of my life, everything you do is non of my bussiness.
repeat: NON OF MY BUSSINESS.
but why do i still care if your happy or sad or what ever?
the time moved on, replaced the right or wrong.
don't remember what happened but remember what i felt.
does what ever happened still matter if i had already lost myself?

sometimes i just want to say hi.
or start a simple conversation.Doesn't matter what happened in the pass. I don't care.
talking to you. reminds me of who i was.
why can't you just say hi.
sometimes i m really dying inside

kira kira. ★

happiness of the day- listening to juliana play tong hua on the paino.♥♥☜

if the feeling can ever last,

one day, my world will become kira kira and pika pika.

can't wait for the sunshine :D

爱一个人只要放在心底就可以了.

因为在心底的感情是不会被夺走也不用害怕失去

时间或许会磨掉一切曾经的刻骨铭心,总有些东西是能一直被想起的,

纵然多年以后经验渐渐无当年的痕迹可寻,曾经有过,便觉满足,

突然觉得有好多话要说

好多心情要写如果我是一个很会做梦的女孩

那我应该会很开心因为我像活在梦境里

觉得什么都属于我

run devil run

went to school like dead walk. my friend was literlly laughing when he sees my face because my eyes were all poped out and my panda eyes were so classtic. look so crap today or he is just a bitch. i have no idea how i spended the two period at the start, the time seems to freeze when i write on my dairy. by the time teacher says okay thats it for today see you next time then i look at my dairy --> only 5 sentence was done. maybe i was day dreaming? i don't know.

BLINK BLINK BLINK.

recess. half dying. started laughing because i was sooo bored. i nearly cried because i was laughing too hard. WHAT AN IDIOT. how sad?

cbs cbs cbs cbs cbs cbs cbs cbs cbs cbs . so the next action was wagging.

i thought i wouldn't wag for the rest of the week before exam but seems we do nothing in class.

mang, i give up. ran out of the school with Ainne the kim chi and head to Juliana's house = the other wagger who didn't come to school because of enviro.

at juliana's house time freezed even more. half closed my eyes watching a korean movie.

my julianamama made me lunch >3<.. doesn't look really good. but its pretty nice <3

is not as bad as it look. is yummy

just wrote a punch of rubbish so far S:

run devil run, time is the devil. taking away everything. FCUK.

totally failed while trying to change the style of my blog. oh wells. just leave it tb then.

Note: stop trying to be who your not meant to be. Heidi Liang.

好きだよ

recently i m in love with this anime call K-on.

sooo cute and soooooo sweet. havent been adictive to an anime for such a long time.

its some how reflecting what i wanted long time ago.

i want my life to be as simple as them, i want to laugh and spend my days like that too =0=

a short period of happiness lasts when ever i watch it (:

write more about it later. too lazy. D:

recently people start saying that i don't look alright and ask me if i m okay. i haven't got that for a long time, with a sudden question like that i really don't know what to answer. i m too tired to feel what i m feeling, i can't even explain what is going on myself, all i have in my head is blank blank blank with missing pieces of voices and sentences. All i need right now is a long long rest, without any distruction. i need my own time and it might take a long time. which is pretty impossible, exams coming up, homework assigments and work. blah blah blah, killing me, my body, my health, my time, my memories etc etc etc. rawr, but i m still staying infront of my computer with my favourite anime cbs fighting with all these. leave me alone. everything.

the day before yesterday was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you, i kept it inside until someone asked me a question that i never faced that made me became weak once again after one month. baka.

Someone can walk into your life and
it is not until after they walk out that you realize that they were even there.

walking apart , is the destiny we can not excape.

little flash backs

i had been recording a lot of my feelings lately, but never mention about what i did these days.

getting lazy, and tired of posting things that i did which is one of the main reason why i stop ed using my 163 Chinese blog. i know a lot of my Chinese friends actually read my Chinese blog therefore rather than trying so hard up dating about things that i m not even interested writing about i eventually choose to stop using 163. now i m only using this blog which only a few of my friends know. so now this blog has officially became my main blog i will post up my random little thoughts and photoes that i tooked and edited myself

?/10/2010

forgot which date was it. the only time i got to see this retard's face during the whole term3 holidays.

16/10/2010 - i went to MC with Kyrstin mama. we talked for hours without doing anything else. there were silence during each conversation but most of all was how our heart communicated with each other. just simply sitting each other, lying against each other is enough. i only need you to be next to me and it doesn't matter what we do together as long as i m with you.

25/10/2010 - my afternoon tea after i got back home. as yummy as it looks <3

29/10/2010 Friday

at box hill centre eating RARAMEN <3> time . so nice :D Amy is a weirdo because she doesn't eat the meat and veggie when she orders a noodle dish. WHAT A BAKA

27/10/10

another afterschool meal, but this time i decided to eat less. :P omg i feel like one bowl right now.

23/10/10

went to the beach at night to celebrate krystinmama's birthday.

it was a really really quiet night filled with the sound of the waves..

bought me to another world away from all my connections with the this world.

it was a night to remember.

remember the things that crossed my mind.

remember the things i wanted to tell the some people. some people who are really far away.

who i still see around but can even say hi to anymore.

but that night i was happy (:

29/10/2010

nang, anothy and me.

these two idiots are playing with my extensions without knowing how gay they look.

31/10/2010

watched Paranormal activity 2 on the day of Halloween . WOHO.

first horror movie i watched in the cinema.

all i can say is the sound effect of the movie is freaky and scary.

comments for the movie: boring, funny and only scary at some point at night time.

rate out of 5: ★★★

i wanna watch all these movies too :D

1/11/2010

mini yumcha with AMY CHOI CHOI + CINDY <3> cup day

Cindy has an amazing voice and every time she sings, my heart skips a beat.

can not stop smiling and laughing when i m around these people. ha :p

2/11/2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEL (:

even though your birthday passed 20 days ago. i didn't even know S:

i wish your happy everyday.

要一直幸福。

i saw things that i didn't see until this day. that show me where i should go.

i know that what happened so far. is the best for everyone.

1/11/2010

i m proud of myself for once (:

i got 100% for my job mystery customer at Safeway. my boss told me i was one of the first staff to get 100%. <3

my reward was two free movie tickets which is available at most of the cinema.

clap ur hands <3

thats it for one post.

sleepy. tired.

another 5 hours sheft tomorrow.

ganbatee to myself

♥♥♥

31st & continue..

today will be our 31st day together texting eachother, talking to eachother on the phone till one of us fall asleep :3 aha, okay most of the time i m the one who fall asleep first, even though you are the one who worked more, spended time on me more and try talking to me more. thank you Ben Dan.
i never really try talking to you that much (: i trust you, i believe you that one day of being apart for not talking doesn't matter. you will always be back and there if i want to go to you.when i think of something funny or get bored in class, i wil text you, as random thoughts come in and crush my mind. maybe it isn't the same for you seems like these days you always keep trying to talk to me and call me at night even when your exhuasted after your long day back from 6 hours work sheft.

i like it when you still talk to me even when i already fall asleep,

i like it when you share your feelings with me because i know exactly how you feel,

i like it when your so sweet sometimes that you whishper to me saying iloveyou & imissyou..(okay that sounds wrong T^T )

i hope your friend can see your heart, can feel your caring and hear the words speaking every second from deep inside of you. stay strong, your not a useless friend. you make people happy everytime (: so please keep smiling. like how i want you to, how she want you to and how yourself want to.

as you said, hope there are the 2nd month,3rd month and continue...

killing time.

Location: MWSC 8D class room

Event: English typing up question but in fact no one is working on it.

Mood: dont have such a thing. Bored. Tired. Feeling stupid.

Body situatoin: day dreaming, my feet hurts, eye bags.

things in my mind:

• Krystinmama when will i see you again? are you studying hard? waiting for you to come back in my life :3 study hard. doorta miss you to the end of the universe ane back <3
  
• China China omg, i want to China. please let me go back. SHOPPING <3>
  
• Yvonne why are you such a baka?


• HOME WORK SO MUCH HOME WORK. i really can't be stuff. but i know i will always do it at the end and end up having no sleep. sigh. EXAM coming up soom. lets die


• When will you be able to show your heart? i can't not do anything else for you. i m sorry.


• I need to start saving money.


• try my best to get more sleep in the next few days.


• keep remembering things. keep writing in my diary everyday.

truth

"my memories are afraid of seeing the past"

hello again.

by hearing that voice., my body reacts to it. shaking so hard
3months after. finally forced a hello.
thinking that i don't know you but more like i changed into someone else and so did you.'

can not receive a reception of feeling from my heart, but from what my brain is trying to tell me
this is really sad. so so so sad. is more sad because i cant even feel it but i m naturally trying to make the situation less awkward. i m not trying i m just doing it and i don't even know why i m doing it. am i only being friendly? or i just can't stop stoping myself from being nice to you, treating you as my friend. i can easily tell my mind to see you as a stranger but my body still have memories towards everything we had done together, therefore it still treats you the same way as it did back then. maybe, thats the reason?

can't hold on to anything, and wouldnt stop by just to hold on to something.

i don't need to anymore and i don't want to anymore.

i will accept anything, anyone who comes up to me.

hey reality, come and fight me anymore all you want,

i wouldn't lose.

i lost the sense of who i am.
this is not me, but this is me right now.the only thing i can be, so therefore this is who i have to be. just to be able to look a bit normal and original like who i was before.
do you get it?

有些事情就算偶尔记起了，也不能再和任何人提起。
让它留在心里再慢慢地烂掉，消逝。
最先苦笑因为心痛得不能自已
然后微笑因为看到别人的幸福和围绕自己身边的天使们
最后可笑因为心麻木得连同回忆都带不起一丝痛苦与快乐。
以前是以前 現在是現在，俄也從以前變成了現在。

is this what you really wanted?
it all eventually came true.
this is the ending of a ending.



writing about this is not not letting go, this just me simply stoped denying to myself
that i still want to remember you.
forever baka no.2
no matter who i become in the future.
this wouldn't change.

because your memories wouldn't change when everybody else does.