time to moveee.

i woke up in the morning and deciding what i should wear..
so i tried on this short that i bought 2 years ago and it was so tight
i can barely close the button. shocked*
two years ago i was fat which mean now i m even fatter =o=!!?
TIME TO DIETTTT. D;
AND I AM SRS THIS TIME <3
WATCH ME (: CHANGE IN 2 MONTHS.

the reason why is empty

i suddenly realise that reason why sometimes people feels so empty

is because there used to be something there
but when is gone, is empty.
time make us move on and forget.
at one piont, when everything reminds you what you had before,
you'll start to feel empty.

SHRK 2008.10.31 SRK.H 2010.10.31

freeze [♥]

a proper resting day out of 2,3,4weeks?
Zzzzzzzzzzzz. movie time <3
get to ly in my computer chair and be lazy。
no work, no going out, no msn, no facebook <3
just on my own.

tomorrow will be halloween.
2 years already.
time takes away everything.
苦笑。

how about paranormal activity 2 ?
can't wait (:

count backwards.

new friendships, new life style, new personality, new shell, ..
haru haru, part of me changes, haru haru, part of the memories faded..
hey strangers, how long has it been? seems the day we stoped talking?
i can't remember, i m scared of counting backwards to see how many days had gone through between us.
i m scared of thinking, remembering anything that relates to the pass, because i know missing all those arent right.
esp when it doesnt mean anything to you.


an eye contact, a hello, a smile, a flash back, a simple action, a word ... ...
can all mean "imissyou" hiden from people,because sometimes reality don't allow us to tell people how much they mean to us. we dont know if they feel the same, we dont know if that will sacre people away. so we choose to stay away, we choose to only say hello, as long as i can still see your smile and happiness. i m fine with staying out of your life.

I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy,I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry,I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I’m going to smile.

gbye.
-hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.

not to ANYONE but you

today. is the 21st day (:
time passing so quick, remember at the start when i first know you, we keep counting the days ?
saying how amazing it was to know someone and text someone so much after knowing eachother for 3~4 days?
well, today is 21st day, and we never stop texting each other.
thankyou, for texting me everyday.
thankyou, for coming into my life when i needed someone there.
thankyou, for calling me each night and let me hear your voice as i fall asleep.
thankyou, for saying that you miss me all the time.
thank you for all the warmness, smile and hugs.
thankyou, just for being yourself (:

( the difference between me and you)

lets spent our 30th, 40th,50th,100th... days together
till the really end ♥...

stop stop stop

stop looking

stop thinking
stop missing

stop talking on msn

stop wanting to wag

stop falling asleep
stop going on facebook
stop trying to not do my homework

GRRRRRR.

RAWR.

I FKING HATE HOMEWORK.

non stop

那天我用剩下的所有心情,
用所有人给我的勇气站上那个舞台,
为的是帮那些藏在心里很久很久的心情, 用声音传递到它想要到达的角落。
以前的我所不能做到的. 我都做到了。
现在的我,. 不再唱歌了，就算唱也没有感觉没有了意义。
所有的事情都从原本不可能被习惯到被人们渐渐遗忘。
没有了问候,没有了道别。
什么都没有。
只有每天夜里梦在默默提醒着我, 所有事情都曾经发生过。
我让自己无所谓, 我让自己对时间失去直觉,我让自己现实，我让自己忘记，
都是为了不再失控。 为了不再伤害他人。
只有明白了等待的那头不会再有回音，
只有知道了不管再怎么努力,付出,祈祷也不会有回报
就是时候放手。
但是笨笨的我..
用了好久好久
才终于学会不再哭泣。
用无所谓和苦笑来代替所有所有的眼泪。
我并没有不开心。
只是想起你了,想起她们了,差点就想回到过去了。
我知道你不会想我, 不会再给我一句话,因为你连问候也不想说, 因为你连眼神也不想接触。
但是我有时还是忍不住想着很多很多的如果如果"
看着你的背影, 心里传递着:
dear friend, i remember you.
尽管此刻剩下的 只有每天的擦肩而过

每一天却从没有停止过的想念，依然坚持着承诺。

把所有所有的记得,如果脑子不管用就把它们全部记录下来。

MY SUNSHINE

according to the weather, in the next coming week will be sunny <3>
hot and sweaty (Y) get ready for beach, swimming, hotties, ice cream and dying hot SUN D:
and and and .. WATER FIGHTER <3>
OKAY LETS DO THIS BABY.

cbs working later D:! RAWR. =0=

nod nod*

simple love

hey people..
am i already in your heart?
is it that simple?
but how come it doesn't work out when i tried so hard, only works when i don't even try and be myself.

everything happened for a reason (:
so true (:
stay happy (: please.

hey you. you changed so much. but i hope this is what you wanted.

brain damage.

my brain ain't working so well these days.
is sleeping at night time and dreaming in day time.
forget things so easily,
maybe i should go see a doctor because i m typing this on my blog and i m bored.
this week passed so fast, it felt like one day.
maybe because everyday i had something to look forward to, life wouldn't be so bad as long as you have something that your looking forward to or waiting for it to happen.
monday- wagged to the city did nothing but eat, eventually went to the lib and studied for maths test
tuesday- maths test, around 8 people surrounded me trying to teach me maths LOL worked and got in trouble by my boss because i didnt talk to my customer FUXK.
wednesday- my sleeping day. relax and dont need to do anything in class. the sun makes me happy letting the sunshine covering my whole body and makes me warm.
thursday- x factor. everyone's surrport made my day.
firday- youth <3>

most importantly because of someone calling me every night and let me hear her voice before i fall asleep <3>

fight = care

this is non of my bussiness,but i still want to write about something for baka.no1 and mel, because of the fact i can't do anything to help, i want to let you know->
that you can only hurt and fight with someone that you really care about,
you can never hurt or get hurt from someone unless you meant something to them.
a fight is to gain friendship, and a way your heart telling you how important that person is to you
take care :3 everything will be okay. :) iwishforyouhappiness <3

no.1 is not important

xXx factor was so scary today.

i am the kind of girl who never gets the spot light, most of the time i would like to stand in the back ground and cheer for somebody else. i m always that follower, the back ground person and i never try to do better than that.

it was only a few weeks ago, i suddenly decide to go to try out for X factor. i wasn't sure if i should go until cindy.l encourage me to go for it (:
so i tried out and got in. everyone who went try out got in (:

well, i wanted to do something. something big to prove that i m changed and no longer is who i was before.

these days, i was about to give up a few times,
but people around me bleived in me. they told that i can do it when i don't even think it was possible myself.

then i decided, i will sing for them (: not for myself but people who believe in me

today at X factor, everyone surpported me, all my friends, before i went on after i finish. all the time.. there are so much people that i need to thank. thank you so much. i feel so loved.
yes, i didnt get in the first three, but i won something more important and found things that are moe important (:

is you guys (:
iloveyou.

juliana, ainne, krystinmama, jody, irene, joanne, cindy.l, cindy.N, jane, Jamie, yvonne, nang,Amy, thomas, michal, eric,kane omg.. too many people .. i can't remember that much S: too sleepy
thank you everyone

i miss you a little

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
- typed all this for real. didn't copy and paste. after typing all this, reminding myself i can only miss you
but i can not have you back into my life again.did you hear me singing today? imissyou.baka.no( )

u know i can have so much friends

and i call all of them baka.

because they remind me of you

but over all there will only be only one baka on.1 in my heart.

and no one can replace that spot.

no one..

see you someday

i dreamed about some people yesterday

it felt so real

and by the time i woke up

it felt like it really did happen.

and i saw one of them today,

i smiled and try to say hi..

but i dont know if you saw me too...

after all these things have happened, and all the time that passed..

i know a hi wouldnt mean anything but i still tried to..

i thought you saw..

but you didnt wave back.

am i thinking a bit too much?

i know i will..->

see you some day, sometime .. again.

blah blah

if i m strong enough now

should i break my rules

just to see what your up to?

heads or tails :D

-

Stick with friends who saw you, when nobody else did. Stick with friends who you can call assholes, and know it’s a code word for I love you. Stick with friends who look at your mistakes, and think it’s fucking awesome. Stick with friends who don’t give a fuck when you’re crying, because they know you’re stronger than that. Stick with friends who were true to you from the very start.

ops sorry. look like your not the oneeee

who i sing for.

do you know that.. when you are singing
people can actully tell if you are singing from your heart or not.
theres a difference
and by listening to your voice, people know what you are feeling and they will feel what you feel (:

today at X factor talent show at my school..
the atmosphere in the hall hited me like a bomb
i couldnt control my heart beats, it was beating so fast as the other participants went on stage.
can i do this? i keep on asking myself that..
i can not imagine if i was the who have to walk on that stage at that moment.
there were at least 200 people in that room
if i go up there, i will become the center of the attention.
what if i stuff up? like last time, forgetting everything while singing..?
i m panic, i don't think i can do it.
but all of my friends keep convicinig me to do it (:
they tell me that i should believe in myself so i m still gona give it a try :D
thank you for everyone who says that they gona surrport me (:

i lost the ability to sing from the heart long time ago,
i loved singing because when i sing i felt as if my voice could bring my words and my feelings to the people that i am missing..
it was like a magic that keeps me going and keeps me feel alive.
those lyrics represented my words, gave me strength to move on.
thats why when ever i m sad i will love to go to kareoke and spend hours in there...
now, i dont know who i will sing for anymore,
those people walked out of my life, my heart doesn't seem to be the same. as the memories faded that feeling in my voice faded too...
which was the main reason why i wanted to quit X factor for nxt week...

cindys' came to my house after school,
they asked me to sing for them and i did
couldn't stop laughing because i always get nervous, also because i can not put my feelings in the songs anymore. i was scared that it will come out really bad D:"
so ... at the start i was laughing the whole time trying to sing.. and then i raised my voice...
cindy N. started laughing so hard so i stoped and went red * ( embrased)
then me and cindy.L realised she was actully crying..
she said my voice was so touching..
that nearly made me cry too..

reminded me how i used to cry while i m singing,
when i couldnt tell anyone my feelings that i cry in my shower while i sing my heart out.. ( its werid but thats the only place i can hide in my house._.)
thank you cindys
iloveyou <3>

i know it. is okay

I like this kind of life

I do not need too many people to get involved

after awhile people will leave me

because you will not tolerate my temper and walk away

no one can control my capricious

that's why you shouldn't let anyone know too much of you if you still want them in your life :P

break

i like to decide my own holidays :D
so i m not going school tmr.
cuz mark up day is coming soon and what happened today was scary D:
the year 12 with the eggs ..
and i know someone in year 12 really wana egg me right in my face ..when i think about next year all these people i see everyday in school will all be gone i feel a bit empty.
byebye.
to everyone that i dont even know
i will miss you ..
a bit
because time will replace that missing part.
LOL
and OMG
i have tumblr now..
how much blog do i have...
i cnt remember S:
cbs up dating
so just gona type up randoms.
hopefully can up date all my blogs tmr <3
yesh. done. sleeping time.

this world is so retarded.

we fking act like this everyday

when the inside is fking walking the other way

we fking good at lying

because we do it every fking day.

and you would say:?

yo. bro this is ur life

and u gona live with it.

so i smile hard and keep doing what everyone else is doing."

okay mama.

i dont want to lose u.

because i dont know what is happening.so i will do anything that comes up in my head

i will only reacts on what i see...

i m too death to feel what is happening right now.

i cant feel what is happening

trust me, everything is the same with me on the outside

but everything inside is different.

if this happened 1 month ago,

i will cry my eyes out.

but. LOL

i guess all i have with me is tic tac tic tac

and its possible to change anything in the world.

hope everyone will get better.

u can take a break

but make sure you come back please/

because somebody really needs you.

byebye.

distance?

i don't know what i was doing just for a hour ago.

i just keep doing it, wanting to do it. just because i m already doing it.

i don't know if we are walking apart from each other too ..

i know you promised me that you will never leave me,

but any promise can change in any second when distance of our heart is change..

it could be in this second, the next second or the next next second.

i will never want any of you to leave me, but i will never ever want you to stay with me just because you had make a promise.

sorry, that i had changed to someone else.

got used to people walking and coming into my life, rotating.

so i will be nice to anyone i know, i will give them all i have got, as if every tomorrow is the end of the world.

i dont understand this anymore LOL.

do as the day flows,

and follow the one who walks in.

what happened to me?

still fine.

thank you.

because we all have a different heartt.

we always wonder.
whythe one who is hurting us doesnt see our pain.
because they like hurting us?
or they just dont give a shit about it ?

well,
everyone has a different heart,
in their eyes, what we are going through could be totally different.
maybe they thought we are alright,
maybe they thought what they are going through is alot painful than ourselves.

but think about it again.
no one can ever hurt you if you choose not to get hurt.
people hurt you without realising it because it is what you are feeling.
therefore is your choice to let that thing gets in you and hurt you.

why can't you be happy?

i m fine thank you (:
because i know how to avoid pain now.
but i m just fine, not happy but fine. (:

school?

well, school tomorrow again.
i didn't have any homework so basically i could do whatever i wanted
and been as lazy as i wanted.
but when it really ends.
i can't remember what i really achieved during this holiday
expect for spending all my money and cbs going work.
now days, yesterday always seem to be so far away from today.
but tomorrow always seem to be right infront of you and you can not run away from it.

the last term i get to mark around and do what i want to do.
then i will have to fight and have no life.

anyways, these two weeks were a pretty cool break time for me
to put everything down
and firgured out why things had happened.
also sussefully became someone else.
dee star's life starts now.

Whatever you do in life will be insignificant
but it is very important that you do it.

there are no ending, once it been inside you

Our fingerprint do not fade from the lives we touch

but is your choice to protend that you can't see them.

You can swear,
curse the fates,
regret every'ting you ever dids...
but when it comes to the end...
You have to lets go.

You can love someone and not want to spend time with them

maybe is okay to cry for the same person over and over again even though we had move on,

maybe is okay to miss you even though you walked away and did not want to be in my life anymore,

maybe is okay to still imagine things we could have done together if we didnt fall out from each other's life.

because no matter how long time had pass and what ever reason that break us apart, from what attract us to be friends was what made you, you.

who i liked, who made me laugh and who stayed with me when i cried.

doesnt matter you fail doing the same things together at the end because things had changed, as long as you had really meant it before is okay (:

therefore i will always remember you.

baka.

is call growing up.

“

as we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. you will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. you'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. you'll fight with your best friend. you'll blame a new love for things an old one did. you'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. so take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

”